I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
