no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
