i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So apparently I’m into choking now
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