Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
