just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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