I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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