i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and she was petting her beer can
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize