Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
