Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
