i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
