I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
