Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
