after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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