I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
