there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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