i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize