P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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