And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
