you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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