Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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