I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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