Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
