Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
