Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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