Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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