i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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