i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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