is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
