I want to make a zoo with you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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