so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
