If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
