i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize