Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
