Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
