this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
