remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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