Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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