you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
