Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
