he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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