I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
