i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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