it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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