i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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