i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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