"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
