i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
