Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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