I am puke
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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