You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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