i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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