Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
