he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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