I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
