Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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