Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
