Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
