turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
