at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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