and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
