Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
