Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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