Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
